The sun is shining! Pity Party O-V-E-R...

Time to think happy thoughts, and be thankful for what I have, and be thankful for those who have come and gone or even stayed in my life.
I had such a fantastic weekend!  Saturday was filled with sports, but it was fun watching my boys. They did awesome!  Sunday we started on our fence (with the help of Jeffrey and Kara) that will surround our garden area and soon can get the dirt ready for new plants.  I love this sunshine!
Thank you to all that came to support Trae at his game (Janie, Deann, Pat, Becca, Nana, Grandma, and Grandpa)  Here are a few pictures of Trae playing lacrosse on Saturday.  He's #20~

Trae in the face off position, fighting for possession of the ball.













Trae is in the goalie position.  He did great!!

Mason sorting his pile of pine cones.

"I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday and days before that too. I think of you in silence; I often speak your name. I have memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part. God has you in His arms; I have you in my heart". Love and miss you Stacey
As I sit here, on the 9 month anniversary of my beautiful cousin's death, I really wish I could go back in time, only 12 months will do, to when I had this strong desire to call Stacey.  I was missing her so much, but I was so afraid of interrupting her or that she wouldn't have time for me (heaven forbid that I could handle the hurt feelings from that), and so I did nothing instead.  I know in my heart that wouldn't have happened, she would have made the time for me, she wouldn't have ever hurt my feelings on purpose (unless I really deserved it), but in this head of mine I have to think everything out, over analyze everything until I just can't do anything.
I go to bed and go over everything that I said or typed to others and think of how I could have said things better, or what if they took what I said the wrong way, or what if I unintentionally hurt their feelings, or what if I am pushing too much for a relationship with them and they really aren't interested... Oh how this brain of mine does not shut off... no wonder I'm so exhausted all the time and don't get enough sleep.  Yes, I know what you are thinking, I think it often enough myself; "This girl is C-R-A-Z-Y!"  ... Just drug me up and lock me in a padded room, just please don't leave me in there without some books, you know I have to give my brain a break sometimes.
I had thought that if I could get a family reunion planned, then I could see Stacey in person, and things could be like they always were when we got together; like time had never passed, though it had, which was obvious by our change of conversation topics.  That then I wouldn't have to be nervous about calling her because we would have already "broken the ice" again, but who was to know that before it could get planned, that we would lose her.  That I would miss my chance to have a last catch up, instead I would find myself holding her hand and saying good bye to this beautiful woman, whom I lovingly regard to as the sister of my heart throughout my youth.
I send out my love to her family, her husband, and her small children that have been left behind because I know their loss is even greater than mine.  Stacey has left behind a legacy of love and memories that will never be forgotten.  "The flower may whither, but the seed is left behind"

Picture Story of the Soccer Ball Headbutt...

After my last post, I feel I should explain myself because I know there are family and close friends out there that had no idea and might feel badly that we didn't share any news with them, but I just want to let you know that that is all Jamie's fault...  hehe!  No really, we just felt that this should be kept close to home, and in all honesty, we did not even tell our boys about trying to adopt a baby girl.  We told our parents and I mentioned it to a friend who was also trying to adopt, to get some support and help with what steps to take. 
We didn't want all of you to feel our disappointment when and if it fell through, which I kind of blew by my last post.  It has been such a rough past few months wondering and hoping, that I finally had to just say something, tell someone what we've been going through. 
So know that we love all of you and hope you understand.

"It is what it is and that's all it is gonna be, it is life, what more can you do but take it one step at a time and see where it leads you"

Absolute closure are the words of this weekend.  We knew in our hearts that we would not be getting our baby girl, but we still needed to hear. I wish the "birth mama" could have called us herself to say that she had changed her mind, that she was going to raise her baby herself, but she didn't.  Instead we hear that they have dropped off the face of the earth, not even showing for pre-arranged appointments.  I know sometimes it is hard, but I say make a choice and own that choice.
It's so strange how life works, we thought we were completely done with babies and then the thought of this baby girl was put into our hearts, it opened a window that we thought was latched tightly closed.  Of course, Jamie is trying to slam his back closed, but mine still has a small breeze blowing through.  I'm not sure what this was supposed to teach us, or where we are supposed to go from here, I guess I'll just sit and listen to the breeze and see if it has any words to share with me.
We spent Friday with friends and some of their family brought their babies (one with twins -boy and girl, and the other a little girl).  We passed the babies around, all taking turns to give the Mamas a break.  Oh my goodness, we are out of practice.  I was constantly redirecting, holding, rocking, talking, cooing... it was a lot of work.  I forgot how busy babies get.  It was still a lot of fun; especially, when you know you are not going to be the one getting up with the babies in the middle of the night.  We have such great friends!  Thank you for a fun evening.

We had a great Easter.  I love visiting with family.  The boys had an Easter egg hung inside (Mason said that the Easter bunny needs to do a better job next year.  I guess the eggs were too easy to find.  Darn Easter bunny!), ate candy, visited with Nana, ate candy, got ready for the day, ate candy, watched the Chipmunks movie (while eating candy), used up an entire package of rub on tattoos, ate candy, and finally headed to Grandpa and Grandma's house.
They were kept busy at Grandma and Grandpa's.  Cynthia and Grandpa helped the boys color the eggs.  Then it was time for the Easter egg hunt that Grandpa and Grandma had set up for them, and of course eating the big dinner Grandma had prepared.  We had fun and now to clean up the mess that the darn Easter bunny left behind...

Cowboy Cornbread Skillet Casserole

Big name for a big, delicious casserole.  We have fallen in love with this casserole.  It is so easy, versatile, and quick to make (and cheap! and who can deny cheap?).  So here you have it, let me know what you think.

1 lb ground beef
1 chopped onion
1 chopped bell pepper
1 can beans (baked, black, chili, or pinto)
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can corn
2 tsp flour
1 1/4 tsp chili powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp sugar
1 tsp beef bouillon or 1 bouillon cube
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp cayenne
1/4 tsp cumin

Brown ground beef and onion over medium high heat, until onion is translucent in a large oven proof skillet.
Add remaining ingredients and cook until heated through.
While this is cooking you can either mix up my cornbread recipe found below or prepare an 8.5 oz pkg cornbread mix according to directions with the addition of an egg and 1/3 C milk.
Spoon cornbread over meat mixture and spread evenly.
Place skillet in oven and bake at 350* for 25 minutes or until toothpick inserted in cornbread layer comes out clean.
*a few notes: I don't always have a bell pepper, so don't always use it.  The corn and tomatoes are optional.

Golden Sweet Cornbread
1 c flour
1 c yellow cornmeal
1 c milk
1/3 c sugar
1/3 c brown sugar
1 tsp salt
3 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 egg
1/3 c melter butter or oil

Allow cornmeal to soak in milk for 10 minutes.  Add additional ingredients and mix until well combined.
If you are going to cook this separately from your meal, you will want to cook this in a 400* oven for 20-25 min. or until toothpick inserted into middle comes out clean.