Mary, stop here and don't continue reading....

We said goodbye to my puppy girl on Thursday, Bekham's 5 month birthday.  She was the most amazing dog that anyone could ask for.  She was the first dog that I have ever owned (ok, Jamie had a dog Jersey that he got when Jamison was born, I hated that dog.  He is quite a champ now, but that's because he was adopted by the RIGHT owner, the boys' Papa.).  She was very well behaved, she was a lover, she was my shadow, she was my friend, and a comfort to me; especially when Jamie was out of town or out all night for work.
We got her when she was barely 5 weeks old, from a guy whom kept her in a kennel in a dark garage by herself after all her brothers and sisters were sold.  She stole my heart from the very beginning.  She bonded with all of us instantly, especially Jamie, to my dismay, I wanted her to love me the best.
When Ellie died, she fell into a depression that we were unable to help her out of.  She became fearful of so many things.  She hid in my closet on top of dirty clothes most of the day and all of the night.  We would sometimes see our Aspen come out of her shell, but those moments because farther and farther between. She became destructive when we weren't with her. Ripping apart a metal dog crate, baby gate, metal doggy door, and chain link fence all within us being gone for 2 hours.  The ripping off the doggy door and chewing apart the chain link fence became a weekly ordeal.
We had listened to a puppy cry for 2 days and it was just too much for her.  She became hysterical even with the kids and I being home. After several visits with the vet, trying the DAP collar (which did not help), we came to the decision to let her go.  I want to regret my decision because I miss her so, so, so much, but her quality of life was gone.  I just have to keep repeating to myself that she is with Ellie again, chasing bees, and being fed kitty shaped biscuits from God.  Then I will shake my head over the fact that I am now left with the doggy I never wanted... Poor Mo!  Baha!